Not the Best News, But I’m Soldiering On

So last Friday I went in for an overdue debridement, That’s where they cut away dead tissue so the healthy tissue can grow back. I had some in my leg that needed removing because the wound wasn’t healing. I went in expecting to go home not long after the operation. They put me under for it and I woke up to have the doctor tell me I had tunneling all the way to the bone and he thinks they will have to amputate above the knee. He thought the bone was infected and that’s why my stump isn’t healing properly. Instead of going home, I had to stay the weekend in the hospital. Not something I enjoyed, I can tell you, though the Temple hospital is nice enough.

On Monday I told the doctor I wanted to wait till next week before they operate because I needed to think about it. I consulted with two other doctors following my case from afar. One of them had questions I put to my doctor here.

Was the bone infected or not? If not I didn’t want to lose the leg. My doctor here admitted he didn’t do a culture or a biopsy. So he doesn’t know for sure that its infected. So I want to wait a week or so and see if my leg starts healing properly or not. If not I may lose the leg, but I don’t want to rush into it.

The problem is I’m running out of money. I’ve been out of work six months with no income coming in to speak of save for the Gofundme fund and help from the Hero Initiative. I can’t work because I have to stay here in this small town where the central Texas VA hospital is and there is no work for me here, plus I am house bound at present. I am writing but there will be no immediate money there. I don’t have any writing gigs, I’m just working on my novels. And social security has denied me disability over some technicality and are bragging out their decision over whether I am going to get any other benefits. So I am in a weird sort of limbo, hoping my leg heals, not knowing what I’ll be doing next month, if I will be staying in Texas or moving back to California (it depends on if I can afford to stay or not). I’ve been out of work six months and I want to work. But I can’t. I can’t even bring groceries in the door when I come back from the supermarket. My life has been upended.

I just know that I can’t give up or feel sorry for myself, or get angry, drunk, whatever. It won’t do any good and will only make things worse. I hate asking people for money but I have to, until I can make some or something changes for me, and it’s frustrating. I came to Texas because of opportunity and a chance to start a new life for myself. Things did not work out that way. Disaster happened instead, The last time I tried something like that as when I went to Washington to help a friend with a startup and I am still recovering from that decision, but at least it was only money and stuff I lost that time. I sure could use a break. All I can do is keep trying and trust me, I will. Too stubborn to give up.

Thank you, all of you who helped me or just follow my story and care enough to keep interested. It means a lot. It looks like I won’t be walking when convention season starts, I will be in a wheel chair no matter what happens for most of the year. But I am determined to walk again.

In the meantime, I could really use your help getting through this month. Every little donation helps. I am pinching my pennies. But it isn’t always possible. Today I had to take a cab to the store and that set me back $29 in cab fare. Living in motels ate up a lot of my fund the first month. And my bill still got to get paid. I promise I won’t forget your help and if someday you need my help and I can do something, I will. This whole experience has been humbling but also life affirming. I feel more connected to the industry than I have when I was working in it.

And this has gotten me working on several things I hope will be gainfully employing me in the near future. if you can spare some money, I really, really, really appreciate it. Thank you. Here’s my paypal donate button.

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